A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?".
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck".
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer".
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Best Lawyer
A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
C++ in collaboration with Bollywood Songs !
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> [Null pointers] : Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.
> [class-constructor,destructor] : Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai,
aaj phir marne ka irada hai
> [Local variable] :(1) Mein pal do pal ka shayar hu, pal dopal meri kahani
hai, pal do pal meri hasti hai
(2) Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan
> [Undeleted pointers] : Maut bhi aati nahi ,jaan bhi jati nahi.
> [Unused variables] : Badi sooni sooni hai zindagi yeh zindagi
> [#include] : Saathi haath badhana ek akela thak jayega milkarbauj uthana
> [infinite loop] :(1) sau saal pehle, mujhe tumse pyaar tha Aaj bhihai,
aur kal bhi rahega
(2) Hum tum, yug yug se ye geet milan ke
gaate rahehain, gaate rahenge hum tum...
> [IF THEN ELSE] : Tum agar mujhko na chaaho to koi baat nahin Magar kisi
aur ko chaahogi to mushkil hogi.
> [RETURN statement] : Aa laut ke aaja mere meet tujhe mere geet bulaate hain
> [Procedure call] : (1) Aaja rey ab mera dil pukaara
(2) Aaja rey, aaja o mere dibar aaja,
dil ki pyaas bujha ja re
> [unknown identifier] yaad kiya dil ne kahan ho tum?
> [hang] :ghunghroo ki tarah bajta hi raha hoon main
> [remote login] : Tumse kuchh kehna hai, gar tumkuch kehne do
> [network busy] : suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kuchh huwa kya? abhee to
nahin...
> [Two Recursive functions calling each other
(or..deadlock)] : Mujhe kuch kehna hein, mujhe bhi kuch kehna hein pehle
tum, pehle tum...
> [extern variable] : hum hein rahee pyaar ke, humse kuch bhee na boliye jo
bhee pyar se mila hum usike ho liye
> [global variables] :(1) tera mera pyar amar, phir kyon mujko lagta hain darr
(2) tu jahan jahan chalega, mera saaya saath hoga
> [struct] : hum saath-saath hain
> [exit] : chhod aaye hum woh galiyaan
> [macros] : khwaab ho tum ya koi hakikat
> [.h & .c combination] : akele hum akele tum, hum tum sang hai to fir kya
gum
> [private] : kisi ke haath na aayegi yeh ladki
> [zombie & orphans processes ] : na jaane kahan dil kho gaya
> [connection time out] : waqt ne kiya kya hasin sitam
> [RPC] : aa chalke tuje main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale
> [Logical error] : hum bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake
> [Runtime errors] : na jaane kahan se aayi hai, na jaane kahan ko jaayegi
> [Warnings] : Maar diya jaye ke chhod diya jaye, bol tre aath kya sulook
kiya jaye
> [Compilation errors] : Are Deewano, mujhe pehchaano, kahan se aaya main
hoon kaun
> [MSDN help] : Hume aur jeene ki chaahat na hoti, agar tum na hote
> [Running for the 1st time] : muddai lakh chahe to kya hota hain, wohi hota
hai jo manzur- e-khuda hota hain.
> [improper code] : thoda hai, thode ki zarurat hai
>[abstaction] : do ekam do, do dooni chaar, chhoti chhoti baaton main bat gaya sansaar
> for static try something like... "tum jab waapas aaoge to mujhe wahin
paaoge."
// for const try... "chahe kuchh bhi ho jaaye, hum kabhi nahin badalenge"
................................................................................................................................
> [Null pointers] : Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.
> [class-constructor,destructor] : Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai,
aaj phir marne ka irada hai
> [Local variable] :(1) Mein pal do pal ka shayar hu, pal dopal meri kahani
hai, pal do pal meri hasti hai
(2) Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan
> [Undeleted pointers] : Maut bhi aati nahi ,jaan bhi jati nahi.
> [Unused variables] : Badi sooni sooni hai zindagi yeh zindagi
> [#include] : Saathi haath badhana ek akela thak jayega milkarbauj uthana
> [infinite loop] :(1) sau saal pehle, mujhe tumse pyaar tha Aaj bhihai,
aur kal bhi rahega
(2) Hum tum, yug yug se ye geet milan ke
gaate rahehain, gaate rahenge hum tum...
> [IF THEN ELSE] : Tum agar mujhko na chaaho to koi baat nahin Magar kisi
aur ko chaahogi to mushkil hogi.
> [RETURN statement] : Aa laut ke aaja mere meet tujhe mere geet bulaate hain
> [Procedure call] : (1) Aaja rey ab mera dil pukaara
(2) Aaja rey, aaja o mere dibar aaja,
dil ki pyaas bujha ja re
> [unknown identifier] yaad kiya dil ne kahan ho tum?
> [hang] :ghunghroo ki tarah bajta hi raha hoon main
> [remote login] : Tumse kuchh kehna hai, gar tumkuch kehne do
> [network busy] : suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kuchh huwa kya? abhee to
nahin...
> [Two Recursive functions calling each other
(or..deadlock)] : Mujhe kuch kehna hein, mujhe bhi kuch kehna hein pehle
tum, pehle tum...
> [extern variable] : hum hein rahee pyaar ke, humse kuch bhee na boliye jo
bhee pyar se mila hum usike ho liye
> [global variables] :(1) tera mera pyar amar, phir kyon mujko lagta hain darr
(2) tu jahan jahan chalega, mera saaya saath hoga
> [struct] : hum saath-saath hain
> [exit] : chhod aaye hum woh galiyaan
> [macros] : khwaab ho tum ya koi hakikat
> [.h & .c combination] : akele hum akele tum, hum tum sang hai to fir kya
gum
> [private] : kisi ke haath na aayegi yeh ladki
> [zombie & orphans processes ] : na jaane kahan dil kho gaya
> [connection time out] : waqt ne kiya kya hasin sitam
> [RPC] : aa chalke tuje main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale
> [Logical error] : hum bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake
> [Runtime errors] : na jaane kahan se aayi hai, na jaane kahan ko jaayegi
> [Warnings] : Maar diya jaye ke chhod diya jaye, bol tre aath kya sulook
kiya jaye
> [Compilation errors] : Are Deewano, mujhe pehchaano, kahan se aaya main
hoon kaun
> [MSDN help] : Hume aur jeene ki chaahat na hoti, agar tum na hote
> [Running for the 1st time] : muddai lakh chahe to kya hota hain, wohi hota
hai jo manzur- e-khuda hota hain.
> [improper code] : thoda hai, thode ki zarurat hai
>[abstaction] : do ekam do, do dooni chaar, chhoti chhoti baaton main bat gaya sansaar
> for static try something like... "tum jab waapas aaoge to mujhe wahin
paaoge."
// for const try... "chahe kuchh bhi ho jaaye, hum kabhi nahin badalenge"
................................................................................................................................
Who's the Boss ?
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all the body's responses and functions."
The Feet said,"We should be Boss as we carry the Brain about and get him to where he wants to go"
The Hands said,"We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the Heart, the Lungs and the Eyes until finally the Asshole spoke
up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being the Boss. So the Asshole went on
strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the Eyes became crossed, the
Hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the Heart and Lungs began to panic and the Brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the Asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All
the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
The moral of the story? You don't need Brains to be a Boss - any Asshole will do !!
The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all the body's responses and functions."
The Feet said,"We should be Boss as we carry the Brain about and get him to where he wants to go"
The Hands said,"We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the Heart, the Lungs and the Eyes until finally the Asshole spoke
up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being the Boss. So the Asshole went on
strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the Eyes became crossed, the
Hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the Heart and Lungs began to panic and the Brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the Asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All
the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
The moral of the story? You don't need Brains to be a Boss - any Asshole will do !!
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